Halfway? Already?

So about (gasp) a week ago, I realized it was my six month "anniversary" of being on this fellowship.

I'd like to thank the Bristol family for funding my travels, Ginny for responding to my emails so quickly, Jesse for his emotional support and my mother for answering the phone at 3am whenever I have a stupid question or an irrational freak out.

Project wise, it's been really really incredible. I've met poets from all over the world, recorded them and created friendships with them. I love this aspect of my fellowship because it encompasses both work and social life. I meet a poet, and it's like we're already friends. The bad part is, of course, that departing is doubly difficult. My countries have changed since my initial project, and I have no doubt that they will keep changing. Poets have contacts all over the world- this makes touring easier. So when I got to australia, they insisted I go to New Zealand, France and England. And when I got to New Zealand they insisted I go to Northern Ireland, Scotland and Germany. etc etc etc. So I'm not really sure what's going on, or where I'll be or when... but it's kind of fun that way.

As far as luggage goes, I'm still convinced I'm carrying too much stuff. This is due to the dual nature of my personality, where I want to have my nice small wheeled suitcase so when I introduce myself to poets at the airport/train station/whatever, I don't look like some crazy backpacker. But at the same time, I don't want to get rid of my backpack because, well, it's just so handy. I keep sending home boxes of clothes/things I don't need and I don't know why I took them in the first place. I've given away lots of clothes too, which makes everything lighter and easier to handle.

Financially, things could be better. The depressing state of the US dollar impacts those of us that are traveling the most, especially when we're traveling to countries that should have a good exchange rate. This essentially means I'm paying 5 dollars for a cup of coffee when I should be paying 3. I know I shouldn't think of it like that, but it's hard not to. I've been couchsurfing a lot, which is great because poets are such wonderful hosts and it saves me money too! But I am visiting mostly first world countries, and let's face it, lots of money is necessary. So I'm considering cutting down on a few countries and living off of fruit. Just kidding about that last part.

So how's it been? In short, it's been different. After the initial 3 month honey moon stage wore off, I think I really began to see what kind of trip it was I was actually embarking on. Sure the documentary is important, but there's this whole other level of things going on internally that weren't being recorded. A friend of mine suggested I start turning the camera on myself as well, to capture some of this struggle. Struggle? yeah, I know. I could be working a desk job in Boston right now. But believe it or not, traveling alone causes some struggle. There's no way to know if you're making the right call on future plans. There's no one to bounce your ideas off of. There's no one to remind you what hemisphere you're in when you wake up all disoriented at 3pm on someone's couch. There's no one there to guard your stuff while you pee. It's just you and the open road/sea/airways. It's exactly what I've always wanted.

Some one recently asked me "what makes you so brave?"
I laughed real hard and almost choked on some lettuce.
Is this bravery we're talking about? Or is it luck? Is it just simply feeding my quasi-insane mentality where I go a little nuts whenever I stay in one place for too long?

Maybe it's a little of everything.

About 2 years before he died, I had the pleasure of meeting Beat poet, Robert Creeley. We chatted for a bit, and he signed my book. I've always liked his poetry, for the influence that travel and love and memory play in his work. Years later, after his death, I found that book again, and re-read what he wrote to me. A single word above his name that catches the complete beat poet mentality to life. "Onward!"

Onward I go.